What Graduating College Actually Felt Like

I’ve always loved superheroes, I feel like I can relate to them even more now than I could before, because we both live dual lives. They save people, are larger than life, and then blend into society with their personal identities. I perform and sing and dance, and then I go back to my 9-5 to fund my dreams.

My first day at Towson University in August 2022.

It used to be I go back to class and my studies in university, and I was tired of it because I wanted to spend all my time recording and writing songs vs being in class learning about the sales funnel, but I’m out now. I’m a year out and I feel like Peter Parker at the end of No Way Home (big big big spoiler alerts By the way). I lost my safety net, I can’t give the excuse that I’m “still in school” so it’s ok to have a boring job that doesn’t pay well, or that I’m still figuring out my life. I’m alone in my apartment sewing my own suit, no one to lean on, especially with this big dream weighing on me. I thought graduating would feel like crossing the finish line, but really it felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff.

Especially in Latino households where I come from with immigrant parents, graduation isn’t just school. It represents the sacrifice finally paying off, the dream they came to this country chasing, so your entire life becomes structured around reaching that moment.

I transferred from St. Mary’s College to Towson, and it was the of best decision I ever made. I was closer to the city, surrounded by people who looked like me, and it felt like a fresh new start. Towson became more than school to me, it became my entire world. My friendships, performances, parties, heartbreaks, fraternity life, late night drives, random adventures, and memories all happened there. College stopped feeling like education at some point and started to feel like just a fun, whimsical life. And suddenly the people you saw every day become people you maybe see three times a year. How many hangouts have I had to reschedule because I get so busy?

At the same time, social media makes everything feel weirder after graduation. The second college ends, everybody suddenly becomes a LinkedIn motivational speaker:

“Excited to announce…”
“Happy to share…”
“Thrilled to begin this new chapter…”

Meanwhile, most of us are terrified and not doing any of that. Or at least I am. I should’ve started trying to be a LinkedIn influencer last year, lol. Everybody online looks successful while half of us are sitting in our childhood bedrooms wondering what the hell we’re doing with our lives.

That pressure hits especially hard when you come from a family that sacrificed a lot for you to even have these opportunities. I started to feel like success has a timer attached to it, like I reeaalllyyy need to hurry up and become somebody important before time runs out. I graduated college, yeah but… my dream was still music. And that creates a strange feeling inside you, that cognitive dissonance. On one side, you feel pressure to use your degree and build a stable life, get a nice corporate job, what my parents always dreamed for me, but on the other side, you have this dream that won’t leave you alone no matter how hard you try to be “realistic.” Yeah there were moments where I genuinely questioned myself, where I thought:

Am I wasting time?
Am I behind?
Should I just move on from this dream already?

Me and my fraternity brothers graduating in May 2025. I love my bros so much.

But then I’d perform again, or write something real and deep, or see people connect to my music, and then I’d remember why I started in the first place. I think that’s what scares me the most: I know I would regret quitting forever. I wouldn’t be able to live a fulfilling life. I go to bed thinking about music, imagining my future where I can perform and record everyday, and I wake up thinking about what steps I can take today to grow my brand and continue to get my name out there. So now I’m in this weird stage of life where I’m trying to build stability while also chasing something uncertain. Luckily for me (or unluckily for them), I think a lot of people my age are going through the same thing, artist or not. I was venting to my sister Stephanie the other day, and in that little sibling moment of enlightenment before they go back to annoying you and being mean, she said, “Nobody really knows what they’re doing. We’re all just pretending a little.” Wow this sounds cliche what I’m about to say, but I mean, maybe that’s what adulthood actually is. Not having everything figured out, just learning how to keep moving even when you don’t. One day at a time. 

So thank you Stephanie for helping me out. <3